Yes, I know, I'm a grammar nerd.....

....but honestly, why can't your average internet user write their own language correctly these days? Did they spend their entire school career smoking behind the bike sheds? (Actually that sounds so last century. No one cycles to school any more, they get driven by mummy in the Chelsea Tractor in case they get abducted on the way in). Did they decide that as they could get their entire GSCE coursework done by copying and pasting Wikipedia there was no need to learn any tedious spelling and grammar rules?

As my regular readers know, I spend entirely too much time on the internet. I run a equine forum and its associated Facebook page and Twitter feed. (And yes, I have obviously only included those links so you go and like/follow us). I spend a lot of time reading blogs and websites, articles, forum posts and playing online Scrabble. Why? Well, (apart from arguing with people I have never met about a whole host of subjects, looking at cute pictures of cats, reading inane tweets from fictional characters and being rude to or about people I have met) because I like words and language and the way people use them interests me.

Sadly though, as time goes on (and people's teenage kids get online and start spouting rubbish) the general standard of English language I see (not to mention the French, some of my daughter's friends have a seemingly tenuous grasp of their mother tongue's grammatical structure that could be easily outclassed by any of my former French A level students and quite a fair number of the GCSE students too) is slipping alarmingly.

Now the spelling isn't the biggest annoyance, actually. I mean there's the American Influence everywhere of course, spoiling things with their insistence on losing the u and changing an s to a z. (Which they then tell me is pronounced "zee" instead of "zed"). My American friend (yes, I do have one, but he's one of the few Americans I have met who isn't an irritating self-obsessed tosser, it has to be said) claims that they are merely helping us to simplify the language. Check is easier to spell than cheque, after all. But I really don't like jewelry, it just looks wrong. As does maneuver.....

No, what really annoys me is the bad grammar. It would seem that an awful lot of people don't know the difference between they're, their and there. Or where and wear. Or even bear and bare ("bare with me" is something I have seen on more than one occasion. What does that mean? Get naked with me?!!). But the one that is top of my hit list is incorrect use of the conditional perfect. Replacing the "have" with "of". I would of done.....is totally wrong. If you want to sound stupid enough to have been in Set 4 for French at my old school, then that's the best way to do it.

A close second is the wandering apostrophe. Plurals do not need apostrophes (unless it's a possessive of a plural noun) so stop putting them in ("here are some photo's" is a phrase that seems to appear a lot on Facebook). It's only needs an apostrophe if it's short for it is. Not if it's a possessive. Easy enough to remember, no?

But I suppose I am in the minority these days. Judging by the things I read online, I certainly am. I managed to get full marks in this test for a start: http://www.guardian.co.uk/teacher-network/teacher-blog/quiz/2013/feb/04/grammar-punctuation-quiz-test

How about you?

A bit of a rant.......

I don't often do ranting (well not online anyway) but I'm in a bit of a ranty mood today (blame the binmen for deciding to come and empty the recycling crate at 5.30 this morning and waking me up). This one has been building for a while. About three years, probably.  So here goes:

What is it about horse people? And horse people on the internet in particular?

I have joined a variety of online horse forums over the years, and I think I’ve identified the main categories of member. There’s the self-proclaimed “expert” who always answers every query in minute detail and tells us lesser mortals what we should be doing. They're usually the inflexible type who cannot entertain for one second the thought that there might be another way to do things.

There’s the “talk the talk” ones who know all the theory down to the last detail of vibrating the inside rein to ask your horse to relax his neck – but when requested to show some video of themselves riding, never quite get round to it (oops, left my camera at home!). When it comes to criticising other videos online, however, they have a field day…….

Then there’s the total re-inventer who tells a lot of stories (lies?) about how they’ve jumped, ridden, competed on their wonderful horses when the reality is they’re languishing in a field eating their heads off because said person is to too scared to actually get on and ride them anywhere.

There’s usually a drama queen who is so very precious about everything but when eventually persuaded to post a video it turns out they ride like a sack of shit and if anyone dares to disagree with the general consensus that they’re wonderful, they rant on about how hurtful any such comments are and that the moderators really ought to do something about it.

And of course there’s always a troll or two who just want to have a good argument for whatever reason – because it’s fun to them? – and stirs everyone up on a regular basis.

I spent a fair few years going along with all of this and trying to be, um, circumspect. I didn’t feed the trolls, I didn’t disagree with the drama queens, I didn’t question the outright liars. But I often went to meet people I’d met online because I am a nosy sort.  Sometimes I was pleasantly surprised to meet a kindred spirit who was genuinely interested in putting their relationship with their horses first and did exactly what they said on the tin, erm I mean, forum. But I also met people who were frankly unfit to be horse owners…….

Me? I don't claim to be a dressage diva, or a horse whisperer. I merely strive to practise the noble art of keeping a horse between myself and the ground. I go out and try to have fun with my horses and I spend a lot of time making sure they are Solid Equine Citizens (thanks Dressage Curmudgeon for that expression). And the online armchair experts criticise me. For not wearing a hard hat sometimes, for allowing my daughter to stand on her pony's back, for hacking out on the roads with an unshod horse and most of all for being a fat bastard and daring to drag my lardy arse onto the back of a horse. Not to mention getting so sick of all the aforementioned intolerant, self-obsessed, delusional, opinionated, egotistical "experts" that I and a couple of like-minded individuals actually dared to be “disloyal” enough start our own forum…….

Why do they feel the need to criticise? Presumably because, as the saying goes, moral indignation is just jealousy with a halo.

Bollocks to the lot of 'em.

Moving on, here's a pic of a fat bastard on a four year old on her first ever solo hack that my friend took as I passed his house the other day.

Not sure what my lower leg is doing in that pic, I'm sure the dressage divas can tell me ;-)